


Until He Falls In Love

by Estelle4Ever



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 07:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4910782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estelle4Ever/pseuds/Estelle4Ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn says he loves the rain, but he opens his umbrella when it pours.<br/>Zayn says he loves the wind, but he closes the windows when the wind blows.<br/>Zayn says he loves the sun, but he searches for a spot of shade whenever it is bright outside.<br/>Zayn says he loves the screaming girls and flashing lights, but he shuts himself in his bunk after nearly every show, and prays for it all to be over soon.</p><p>That is why Niall is so afraid when Zayn says he loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until He Falls In Love

It started in February, 2014.

Zayn had hopped into their tour bus one night and said that he and Perrie were over.

"We're still friends." he explained, "And we'll still have to post pictures and wear the rings because management said so. But it just wasn't working, so we're not actually engaged anymore. We're just pretending."

Liam reached over and pulled Zayn into a hug, which all of them joined, clambering on top of the dark-haired boy and smothering him with squeezes and claps on the back.

None of them said anything after that. Liam simply tossed Zayn a video game controller, and they engaged themselves in a game of FIFA. Harry went back to his movie. Louis put his headphones on again. Niall busied himself with his phone, feeling terrible for the small bubble of happiness swelling inside him.

Perrie was one of his closest friends, and she was the sweetest girl ever.  
But the hardest thing to do was to watch Zayn and Perrie cuddle and kiss and smile and be in love, because Niall wanted to be the blond who got to wrap his arms around Zayn and press kisses to his lips. Niall wanted that so bad.  
And he probably wouldn't get it, but it would be easier for him now that Zayn was single, and not stupidly and disgustingly in love.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Niall called Jade Thirlwall the next morning.

"Hey." he said softly, regretting his uncharitable happiness from the night before, and instead feeling slightly selfish, "Pez doing okay?"

"Yes, surprisingly." Jade replied, "I thought she would be terribly upset, but she wasn't. She cried, yeah, but mostly she said that she and Zayn are still friends, and their relationship just fizzled out. So...they aren't in love anymore, which is why they ended it. Which means..it doesn't hurt as much as it could have."

"Hmm. Same here, I guess. Zee was droopy for a while, but I think they're a bit relieved now that they've sorted their things out, don't you?" Niall said.

"Yeah. Pez said Zayn had been growing a bit distant ever since they exchanged 'I love you's. Like, when they told each other, they were alright. And they were fine for about a month after that, and then it just suddenly stopped."

"Well, he's a bit afraid of being in love, I suppose." Niall shrugged, "Maybe they're not...you know...they're not each other's soulmates. God, I sound like a girl. I mean, maybe they're not-"

"Meant to be?" Jade suggested.

"Yeah, exactly." Niall nodded.

They'd chatted for a while more. By the time Niall put his phone down, he was smiling.

"Oi, who've you been chatting up?" Louis asked as Niall cut the call.

"No one!" Niall said indignantly.

"Liar!" Louis said in a sing-song voice, "Zayn, get the phone!"

Zayn, who was standing closest to Niall, made a lunge for the phone, grabbing it expertly.

"Zayn!" Niall whined, as Harry and Louis cheered.

Liam looked torn between being disapproving and being amused. He decided on the latter, and grinned at Zayn as he flicked through the Recent Calls.

_"Jade? _" Zayn said, surprised, "You were talking to Jade?"__

____

Louis looked ready to make a completely mortifying statement, so Niall said quickly, "I wanted to talk to Pez, and Jade wanted to know if you were doing okay. That's all, Zayn."

Zayn smiled, "I'm good."

Niall eyed him for a long time, taking in every aspect of him, from his eyes to his grin to his posture.  
Finally, Niall let out a smile of his own, because he couldn't help it. Zayn did that to him.

"I know." he said.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zayn had kissed him by the end of February.

It was perfect and soft and passionate, and everything Niall had hoped it would be.

"Don't want to be a replacement for Perrie." Niall whispered between kisses.

"Never." Zayn answered softly, "You're beautiful, Niall, so perfect."

Niall remembered telling Jade that maybe Zayn and Perrie weren't meant to be, and he looked into Zayn's caramel-colored eyes and thought that he and Zayn could be together forever. They could be soulmates, because he felt sparks and electricity and Zayn was kissing him and he could stay like that for the rest of his life.

"I love you." Niall whispered.

Zayn smiled before pressing his lips back on to Niall's. It took Niall a minute to register that Zayn hadn't said 'I love you' back.

He didn't understand why he felt slightly relieved.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

He did understand eventually, of course.

It was raining, a proper thunderstorm, and Zayn and Niall had to make a dash from the building to the car.

"I love the rain." Zayn said, watching the droplets fall.

"Me too." Niall said happily, grabbing Zayn's hand, "C'mon, Zayn."

"Niall, wait!" Zayn protested, "I've got an umbrella. Come under, you'll get drenched."

"That's the best part." Niall insisted, and Zayn couldn't help but smile adoringly, "You just said you love the rain."

"I do." Zayn said, opening the green umbrella with a flourish, "But I don't want to get soaked. Just come under the umbrella, Ni."

Niall stared at Zayn for a moment, his mind working furiously, trying to find out why this conversation was causing a stirring in his stomach.

"The umbrella blocks you from the rain." Niall said finally, "And the rain is something you love."

"Okay, I love _watching _the rain." Zayn said, "But I don't fancy getting wet."__

In the end, Niall and Zayn walked to the car hand-in-hand. Zayn was holding the umbrella with his free hand, and he was dry. Niall refused to stand under the protection of the umbrella, and walked in the rain, enjoying every moment of the drops hitting his skin.

He didn't ask Zayn for a passionate kiss in the rain.

He just decided to let the whole incident go, because maybe he was overthinking it.  
Rain was a trivial matter. It was nothing to go on.

Before they could get into the car, Zayn pulled Niall under the umbrella and kissed him. It wasn't the same, because they weren't really in the rain, and Niall was soaked and Zayn was dry.

But it didn't matter, because Niall loved Zayn, and so he let himself forget everything else.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The second time it happened was in July.

The five boys were lounging in their tour bus. It was quite a good summer day. Sunny, bright and breezy.

Harry and Liam were watching a documentary. Louis and Niall were playing FIFA, with Niall perched in Zayn's lap.

"I won!" Niall crowed, after his sixteenth victory.

Louis threw down his controller with an irritable huff, "Beginners luck."

"He's not a beginner." Zayn hugged Niall closer, "And he's good at this."

"Yeah, yeah, we all know how much you love the leprechaun. He's not going to leave you if you agree with _me _for once!" Louis pouted playfully.__

Niall laughed, but he felt Zayn stiffen, so he quickly changed the topic.

"It's really nice outside today." he observed, "I like the wind."

"Me too." Harry said, from his little corner, "The wind is the best part of this kind of weather."

"Agreed." Zayn said, "It'd be nice if it was always windy."

"Are we honestly talking about _wind _?" Louis asked, looking quite disgusted.__

Zayn grinned, "Yes. Because wind's good. I love wind."

Niall stared at Zayn for a moment, and then restarted the FIFA game, "C'mon, Lou. One more. Prepare to lose!"

"Over my dead body!" Louis scoffed, picking up the controller, "Your reign is over, blondie."

Zayn chuckled. When they were half way into the game, Niall felt the boy shift from under him, so got up, not taking his eyes off the game. Zayn picked himself up from the couch and hurried to the windows, shutting every single one of them with a bang, ignoring the cries of protest.

Niall's eyes widened. He turned to Zayn.

"HA! You LOSE! In your FACE, Niall James Horan, you-" Louis screeched.

"Louis, shut up." Niall interrupted, "Zee, what're you doing? It's nice out. It's windy."

"Too windy." Zayn answered with a shrug.

"But you love the wind!"

"Calm down, Nialler. It's what most people do. Close the window when it's windy." Zayn said, flopping back on the couch.

Niall tried to steady himself. Louis was already setting up another game.

Niall picked up the controller, feeling lost. He was being ridiculous, he knew it. He couldn't judge anyone based on their reaction to the weather. What was he trying to prove, anyway?

Niall turned to Zayn- Zayn, the most beautiful, amazing person Niall knew- and he wondered how he'd survive without Zayn in his life.

He wouldn't.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They were in Australia by December. It was bright and sunny, and very unlike December in the UK.

"It's quite a change." Harry said as they sat in the grass under the sun. No paps in sight. No screaming girls. Just the five of them.

"I feel like it's been summer the entire year. We've been away all winter." Liam added.

"I love the sun." Zayn proclaimed.

Niall curled into Zayn with a happy sigh. Zayn immediately put an arm around him. He brought Niall's lips to his own for a lazy kiss, and Harry and Louis groaned.

"Guys!" Harry whined, "You don't have to suck faces _wherever we go."_

"We _don't _." Zayn mumbled against Niall's mouth, "Anyway, it's hard not to get addicted."__

Louis and Harry scoffed again, but Niall just smiled and brought his head down for another kiss.

After about ten minutes, Zayn got up and scanned the lawn.

"What're you doing, Zayn?" Niall asked. shielding his eyes from the sunlight.

"There's a tree over there, there'll be some shade." Zayn replied, making his way to the spot of shade.

"But why?" Niall called, "I thought- you just said you loved the sun!"

"I do!" Zayn called back, as if it was obvious, "But still!"

Niall bit his lip, wondering why every time Zayn said he loved something, he was searching for a shield from it the next minute.

He stared at the dark-haired boy, and he wanted nothing more than for Zayn to tell Niall that he loved him, too.

But he was glad that Zayn didn't, because he couldn't bear it if Zayn grew distant from him, like he had from Perrie, and the sun and the wind and the rain.

He was afraid. So, so afraid.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
By the February of 2015, Niall was worried.

"That was sick!" Louis bellowed as they clambered into their tour bus after a show, "That crowd was brilliant!"

"I know!" Niall said giddily.

"Those paps annoyed the shit out of me, though." Harry said, "We could hardly stop for the fans."

"I love our fans, but they kept screaming, and I have a headache." Zayn grumbled.

Liam grinned and rolled his eyes.

Much to their surprise, Zayn didn't grin back at the boy. Or even flip him off. He simply scowled and stomped off towards his bunk.

"What's gotten into him?" Louis wondered, "Niall, go see if he's okay."

Niall did. He climbed into Zayn's bunk and snuggled against him, "What's wrong?"

"Love music." Zayn mumbled tiredly, "But I can't deal with it anymore. Flashing lights. Screaming girls. 'S hard. It's almost getting too much. I need a break. I need to get away. I need-"

"A barrier?" Niall questioned softly.

Zayn nodded, "Yeah." he said in a choked voice, "A barrier."

Niall swallowed, a lump forming in his throat, "I love you, Zayn."

As usual, Zayn didn't reply. Instead he leaned forward and pulled Niall into a kiss.

Niall melted, feeling relieved, and so, so grateful.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the end of February, Niall understood completely.

Zayn was afraid of being in love. So when he realized that he loved someone, he kept it bottled up inside him.  
And when he told that someone that he loved them, he would slowly distance himself from them, create a barrier, a shield, until he's completely separated.

Niall remembered what Jade had told him about Zayn and Perrie. _They were okay for about a month after they exchanged their first real 'I love yous' _Then Zayn had snapped and drifted away, leaving Perrie behind.__

It was vicious and terrifying, and Niall hoped that Zayn never, _ever _voiced his love for him.__

Niall knew how much Zayn cared. Niall knew that Zayn loved him. He didn't have to say it. Niall could live with that.

Because if Zayn _did _say it, he would grow distant and cold, and that was something Niall could never live with.__

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It happened in the beginning of March.

Niall and Zayn were lying in bed, talking and cuddling and kissing, and Niall thinks that maybe this was the depiction of perfect.

He knew Zayn loved him, he was happy, he and Zayn were together. All their family and friends supported them. It was wonderful.

Except then, suddenly, it wasn't.

Zayn leaned over and gave Niall a long, passionate kiss.

And when he finally whispered, "I love you.", Niall choked and held on a little bit tighter.

He stole precious kisses and frantically said that he loved Zayn, too, because he knew that soon Zayn would grow distant and cold, and he would put up a barrier between the two of them, and it would all be over.

He held on tighter because he wanted a future with Zayn. He wanted them to tour the world and come out to the fans, and maybe even get married.

He wanted them to buy a brick house with porch-swing and a white fence and an apple tree in the backyard.

He wanted them to adopt a couple of kids and buy a dog. He wanted to share the morning paper with Zayn on Sundays, sitting on the porch and drinking coffee, and watching their kids play fetch with their puppy.

He wanted to drive his children to the football field to play games with him, Zayn, Liam, Louis and Harry.

He wanted his and Zayn's families to get together for Christmas dinner every year.

He wanted it all _so bad._

Niall kissed Zayn again, and then he closed his eyes and prayed, because he wanted to be with Zayn _forever _, but he knew that the end was near.__

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> So this is my first one-shot. I hope you liked it. Or, at least, I hope you felt something, because I write a lot of emotional fic.  
> Let me know what you think with a comment, maybe :)  
> Thanks :)  
> -Estelle


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